Finally...Hunter is back!!!

*Warning long blabby post about nonsense that doesn't particularly matter to anyone but me*

For those of you who don't know, which is everyone (only Marilyn looks at my blog hahaha), I have a '98 Chevy which happens to be a dark, hunter green. Hence the name, Hunter. Well I've had him since my junior year of high school, 2010. He's now a young ol' chap at 14 years with almost 180,000 miles on him. Hunter has been out of commission for more than a year now. I never thought he'd pull through (get repair) but he did!!! A whole $1300 and I now have a car again!! After dropping another $130 tomorrow to register Hunter, everything will be perfect with my car situation at least.
Being back in Hunter brings back so many memories. If someone could analyze the year of my life that I first had my blazer, they'd label me a horrible person in the first 10 seconds. But i believe that year was the only year I ever really lived so far. I was so carefree. I lived without any regrets or concern of others. All I wanted was to have fun and enjoy my life. It was so amazing. I was limitless.
What reminded me and flooded my subconscious with 100s of memories was one tiny Smirnoff cap wedged in between the steering wheel console and gauges. ;D
It hasn't been all shits and giggles tho. All this pressure with fixing my car (i.e. money!!) along with just everyday life (i.e. shit for family and a pushy bf), I've been super stressed. Last Friday at received my first paycheck at my new job. Now, I didn't expect a lot. But after receiving the check and adding up the bills I have to pay along side of my total amount of money, I was devastated. I was clearly in the negative about $200!! When I drove to DMV after work to get a 10 day driving permit for my blazer, I started breathing heavily and was shaking like mad. I had to pull over and it took me nearly 5 minutes to slow my breathing although I was still moderately shaking. I described the event to my brother and he said it sounded like the panic attack he had once. I don't really know what it was, but it was probably stress induced and I know it was scary!!! Anyways my finances ended up working out somehow, someway. I just don't know if I can keep my money out of the negative...

This movie sounds so strange but yet I want to watch it. It's called "Paprika" and it's a Japanese animated film from 2006. The trailer is crazy but you have to read the description to even know what it's about:

"When a machine that allows therapists to enter their patient's dreams is stolen, all hell breaks loose. Only a young female therapist can stop it: Paprika."

Trust is suppose to be number one.

And my boyfriend just doesn't trust me. I'm getting so fed up with it. Last night he got drunk and called me yelling at me that I'm obviously interested in someone else blah blah blah. I was so annoyed! And it was like 4 in the morning or something! Honestly, if I wasn't interested in dating you anymore, you'd be the first person to know. But obviously he doesn't understand that and I don't know how I'm going to keep being with someone who has no faith in me.

Sometimes bad is good

If you would've asked me two months ago, or even 8 months ago, if I'd ever want to go back to the lifestyle I led in high school, your answer would've been a straight up no way. Lately though, I've wanted to go back. I was responsible yet careless at the same time. And isn't being young all about being reckless?
When I'm 50, I don't want to look back on these years, thinking I wish I would've actually lived like I was young. Why didn't I do this? Why didn't I try this? How many things did I miss out on? What would've happened if I would have happened had I done this?
I'm sick of leading a life full of what if's but how do I change? It's hard to stop caring and put caution to the wind. But oh does it sound like a great time.

Sick sick sickkk

Yesterday I was at work and my nose WOULD NOT STOP running!!! It was horrible! I had to go to the bathroom like every ten minutes to get a tissue. Then, the girl next to me offered me some of her drink and said it tasted really good. So I took a big swig and it was good. I thought my luck was turning around! I asked her "That was really good! What flavor is that?" and it turned out it was watermelon! Natural watermelon! I'm ALLERGIC to watermelon. I had a small allergic reaction for the next four hours -__- I think that the allergic reaction made my cold worse. My head was stuffed, nose stuffed, throat sore, and mouth itchy! I felt like complete and utter shit. Finally, around 9pm my grandpa gave me his hot toddy concoction (whiskey, lemon juice, and honey all warmed up) and I passed out. I feel a little better today.

Thanks Gramps!! :)

First post!

Wow, so blogspot seems like it may turn out to be more personal than tumblr. I feel like it will feel really good to just let things out, and write them down. When I don't have anyone to talk to, writing it down helps relieve some stress, pressure and loneliness. It might even feel better that someone out there is reading what I am writing and can maybe relate. 
I just moved to Reno about two months ago. I don't know how I feel about it yet. All I know is I don't miss Las Vegas, I don't want to move back and I don't want to stay in Reno forever. I don't know where to find my place. I'm sure everyone feels like this at some point but it's literally just tearing me up inside. I need that place. Where I feel at home. Comfortable. Happy. Calm. The eye of the storm. How do people find the ultimate happiness? I don't believe it can be found in someone else but I can't see how anyone person can carry around the answer to their own happiness and never know it.

Well, time to head off to Zumba..