Memories 4/9/2014

Sorry about my handwriting in advance.

express yourself

I've been writing a lot lately, to help me process emotions I have no one to talk with about. I think I'm going to start posting pictures of these writings so I don't feel like I'm having a conversation with myself, even though no one reads this.

New Year, Same Me.

I really do feel different at the start of this year. I am more self-aware and I honestly have better self esteem. There is still plenty to work on in my life. I had to dig through my blog to find this, but I found my resolutions from last year and (even though I've already gone over them mid-year) I want to go through them again.

1. Enroll in some kind of classes for the summer semester. I did not take any summer courses, but I did take 5 fall classes (along with working two jobs). I'm pretty proud of myself, I got 4 A's and only one B. I'm on the right track for my degree.

2. Find a new home on our own (me & Hachi) by the end of this year but preferably, by my 20th birthday.

3. Find out exactly where Josh's and mine relationship is going. I broke up with him in the beginning of February 2013. Biggest bullet dodged EVER. I then went to in a relationship that made me cry everytime I thought about it. On Thanksgiving I started dating a really sweet guy, on of the first true NICE guys I've ever been with. Let's see where this goes...

4. Be more positive and affectionate. I've been more aware of what I'm saying, how I'm acting and what my body language leads people to believe I'm feeling. I have also been able to see the more positive sides of my life, not to say I don't still dwell on the negative unfortunately. 


5. Make some friends; I'm sick of being alone.

Three out of five. Yeah I failed, but it feels like an accomplishment to me. This is this years resolutions.

1. Get contacts.
2. Use my (brand new!) Kitchen Aid mixer at least once a month.
3. Really, meet some friends!
4. Try to open up to Kyle.
5. Spend quality time with Hachi.
6. Eat more home cooked, good-for-me meals.
7. Leave my past behind, it does not decide my future.

Wish me luck!

Christmass time

I work in retail now so in all honesty, I hate the idea of Christmas. But today wasn't that bad. I held a baby and drank a lot of coffee. I also spent some time with my (new) boyfriend's family. They're pretty great. I got an unexpected present from his mom and sisters. It was a mug, some Starbucks hot chocolate and headphones to go with the iPod he bought me. Then we went to his room to wait for dinner to be done and fell asleep for hours. It was such a calm, relaxing day. I could get used to things being so easy with someone. Anyways, by do is whining so I must stop typing, and start petting. And I'm excited for my nieces and nephew to come into town tomorrow!!

New Car!!

I don't have much to say right now. Or maybe I can't think of anything to say because all I can think about is my new car!! Today, I went into town with the intentions to stop at like 4 dealerships and just get an idea of what I wanted to get. The first dealership I went to was Fiat of Reno and I didn't leave until I signed the papers for a 2012 Dodge Avenger! I'm so happy! That is all!

Hi!

So it's been months since I've been on here. Like really wrote a post. So it's time to update (to update the zero people that read this blog?). I guess what I'm trying to do is reflect on mself and I don't care if anyone reads it. I'm going to evaluate my "New Years Goals".

This is them (copy & pasted from 1/1/2013):
1. Enroll in some kind of classes for the summer semester.
2. Find a new home on our own (me & Hachi) by the end of this year but preferably, by my 20th birthday
3. Find out exactly where Josh's and mine relationship is going.
4. Be more positive and affectionate.
5. Make some friends; I'm sick of being alone.

Here's my progress:
1. I didn't take any summer courses. I had trouble transferring my credits from CSN to TMCC. But I eventually got it done and am now enrolled in 5 courses for Fall of 2013. I am on my way to becoming a teacher!
2. I still live with my Gramps. For now, I am okay with that. I have a vision of where I'd like to be living next year though.
3. Our relationship wasn't going anywhere. He was an asshole. I loved him, but I wasn't in love. I realized how bad he treated me and we had a mutual breakup. I haven't spoke to him much since then (February). I'm seeing a new boy though. He's really great. Tall, affection, caring, family-oriented; everything I want.
4. I am being a lot more positive! Everyone has noticed. And it's true what they say about the power of positive thinking, I've accelerated much more in life since I've changed the way I think. I'm working on being affectionate. I try to express everything to my new guy but sometimes it's hard to put feelings into words. The only person (?) I can be completely open and affectionate with is Hachi :3
5. I haven't made any really good friends. Not like I had in high school. I miss sleepovers and hour long phone conversations. I miss being bored and being able to call up one of my friends to just hang out. I'm not talking really about my partying stage and those friends. More like my 9th and 10th grade friends. I wish I would've held on to them. I miss you Marilyn!

And this is how life is for me. I'm not very happy, but I'm working on getting there. I know I'm the only person that can make my happiness a reality.

Oh and here's my favorite song for like the past year. Enjoy!

It's been awhile

And I don't really feel like blogging at the moment but I'll start again soon!
Enjoy this video in the meantime!