Two steps forward?

I'm starting a new job today. I recently quit my job on the 21st so I was only unemployed for 6 days! My new job is as a cashier up in the mountains. It's a 40 minute drive, in the snow! :O
I just hope I can soon be able to afford to get my own house with Hachi. But if I do that, I'll have to get her a puppy to play with!!

Oh btw here is her newest picture.

I've been really down.

I'm so sad and depressed I don't even know how Hachi can stand to be around me. And the fact that my bank alerted me this morning that I was -$30 didn't help the situation. I feel like I need counseling to get past a few things in my life and try to be happy. No matter what I do in my life, I'm always sad ;(


Anywayssss,
this was a bummer post so here's a picture of me, my brother and my cousin 14 years ago to make you smile.

M.I.A.

I haven't blogged since I went to Vegas for a visit. I actually haven't done much of anything since I came back. I feel lonely and unmotivated. I'm not sure what's slowing me down but I just want to lay in bed all day with Hachi and read horrible romaction novels.

Lazy lately.

Well I haven't had the time, or energy, to write any movie reviews. I recently watched Pretty Little Sunshine. And while I highly enjoyed it, I just don't feel like writing haha
Bit, I did get a Samsung Galaxy SIII maybe a week ago and I got a couple cases for it. Here's one of them!

Film Review: American Beauty (1999)

This is the story of Lester Burnham (Kevin Spacey), who is going to die in a year. Don't worry, this isn't a spoiler. The audience finds this out in the first couple minutes of the movie. Although, we don't find out how Lester will die, he just let's us know that he has one year left. Lester's life seems that of a conformist. He has a job he hates but yet he's been there for years, has a very cold marriage with his wife Carolyn (Annette Benning), and doesn't communicate, much less talk, with his daughter Jane (Thora Birch). Lester has never challenged his way of life. He's dealt with every disappointing aspect.
Suddenly, Lester's job has hired a man to make things more 'efficient' by getting rid of the unwanted employees. Needless to say, Lester is one of them. Realizing his job isn't what he wants, how unhappy he is, and because he smoked some good marijuana with his new 18 year old next door neighbor Ricky Fitts (Wes Bentley), Lester starts making changes, drastic ones. Becoming infatuated with his 16 year old daughter's friend Angela (Mena Suvari) pushes him to make these changes. He quits his job, gets a job reminding him of a time when he was younger and happier, and starts working out because Angela loves muscles.
I won't give away the ending on what happens to old Les but I will say that I feel that he was truly liberated and essentially, content, maybe even happy. The characters in this movie were so dynamic. Everyone changed or realized something in their lives that made a bigger semblance in their life then what they thought was real. Carolyn, who I might say is my least favorite character, dodged a bullet in the end. I find her so selfish and so hard to like. I felt sorry for Angela in the end, her insecurities while not resolved in the movie, might take years to come over (if she were real). I do hope Jane and Ricky escape this world, even if it is to become very well-off drug dealers.
This might be one of Kevin Spacey's best movies for me. Although I didn't like Annette's charater she potrayed her amazingly well, I could not imagine anyone else playing Carolyn. Thora BIrch is one of my favorite young actresses and although this wasn't her greatest or biggest role, it was very well played. I honestly don't recall Wes Bentley in any other movie. He depicted Ricky very well, his character gave me the creeps but at the same time, made me strangely attracted to him.
The cinematography in this film was quite different, just like the story. the lighting was at times a little dark but I believe that it added to the cynical feel of the entire movie. Sometimes, the director would zoom in on an an actor's face, making it take up almost the whole screen and making the audience a little uncomfortably but also acutely aware of the feeling being shown.
After one watches this movie, I believe they'll tend to re-evaluate their own lives, as did I. It males the audience ask, "Am I really happy?", "Do we still love each other?", and "Is this what I really wanted out of my life?". This film shows not to conform, do what makes you happy even if it is working at Burger King. In the end however, it shows the opposite of conformity may not be the best route to travel either. Is there ever a happy medium?

Films

I'm still on my film kick. I've decided to write reviews on here of some of the movies I watch. Even though no one will read them. Oh, and I've added two more movies to my lists.

Number 1: Ghost World

"Enid and Rebecca are social outsiders who, after graduating from high school, play a mean prank on a middle-aged geek."
*I've had a really weird Thora Birch obsession lately.

Number 2: Girl With a Pearl Earring

"A young peasant maid working in the house of painter Johannes Vermeer becomes his talented assistant and the model for one of his most famous works."
*I've read this book previously, I hope the movie is even half as good. But are they ever?

Weird

Why do my page views go up like 5 times in one day when I only have one follower? I wonder who else is reading my blog.

To escape.

I just want to get up and travel in one direction one day, all day. I don't care if i end up at an airport or train station taking the next ride out. I want to see things I've never dreamed of and experience life and the world without a care in my head.
I used to have a best friend in high school. Sometimes we talked about doing something similar. Like getting bikes, jumping on a train, and just experiencing all of America, maybe more.
I wish I was carefree enough to do this. I wouldn't even mind if I was alone.I just want to be so full of curiosity of the world that no matter what, I have to leave, to escape.

 Btw, me today.

Moviieee timeee

I've been on a big movie kick lately. I'm trying to make it so I've seen tons of great movies! Right now I have four on my list that I want to watch in the next week.

Number 1: Little Miss Sunshine

"A family determined to get their young daughter into the finals of a beauty pageant take a cross-country trip in their VW bus."

Number 2: American Beauty

"Lester Burnham, a depressed suburban father in a mid-life crisis, decides to turn his hectic life around after developing an infatuation for his daughter's attractive friend."

Number 3: The Color Purple

"This film follows the life of Celie, a young black girl growing up in the early 1900's. The first time we see Celie, she is 14 - and pregnant - by her father. We stay with her for the next 30 years of her tough life..."

Number 4: Atonement

"Fledgling writer Briony Tallis, as a 13-year-old, irrevocably changes the course of several lives when she accuses her older sister's lover of a crime he did not commit. Based on the British romance novel by Ian McEwan."

I've seen half of Atonement but I want to get through it, it seems amazing. I hope all these movies are good and quench my thirst for good films!

They like me...they like me not!

Last night I went to a Halloween party. It ended up only being like 6 of us but it was fun. I finally feel like I might be making friends. I don;t really know though, it's so hard for me to make friends and/or keep them. I feel like I don't fit in. Or that they can tell I'm trying to hard. Or they absolutely hate my personality. Or that they'll just stop talking to me one day.
If only you could read people's feelings and see exactly how they felt about you. I mean cut the bullshit! I'm just sick of not knowing if someone likes me or wants me to be around. I wish we didn't have to tip toe around people's feelings. Life would be so much easier.

But yea my hair looked almost on point.

First time for everything!

I've drawn plenty of things on my nails before (flowers, candies, bows, etc) but never have I ever written letters. Needless to say, it was a lot harder than I thought it would be! Oh well though, practice makes perfect right!? It reads from left to right 'Blink 182'. Good idea, not executed so well. I'm watching Hocus Pocus right now and defiantly in the Halloween mood!


On another note, I received a job offer to work as a housekeeper in a casino. Right now I work in sales at a cell phone company. I'm not enjoying my job very much so I'm thinking of taking the pay cut and cleaning up after nasty people... I'm not really sure yet. I guess you could say I'm confused with life at the moment.

Who isn't though?

No more Chewbacca!!!!

My eyebrows were so hairy! After over 2 months of ignoring the mess directly on my face, I got that shit waxed!
And tonight I went to my great uncle Rick's retirement party which was pretty fun. I played with all the little kids and they were attached to my hip the whole night. I want to be a mom so bad - someday - far, far away. Also, I felt very nice and um, chic? tonight. I really don't know if I looked as good as I felt but I had these really nice shoes & jacket (I'll post them below) and a pretty flower dress. With curly black hair :)

And I painted my nails last night like candy corn!!!
Ok, that is all.
So long, farewell
Auf Wiedersehen, adieu
Adieu, adieu
To you and you and you

I feel prettier lately

I know this sounds weird but I never learned how to wear make-up. Sure, I wore mascara and the occasional eyeshadow, but I didn't know how to line my upper lash line with eyeliner, how to correctly apply blush, foundation, or bronzer, or how to mix different colors on my eyes.
Lately, my self-esteem has been really low. So I watched like a million youtube videos on how to put on makeup. I went out and spent a whopping $80 on make-up! But I feel as if I'm making some progress :)

That's all folks!

Lazy Days

Today was a really nice lazy day. I stayed in my pajamas all day, which I haven't been able to do in 4 years. Wow, it feels weird to be able to think 4 years ago my life was different. Four years ago I was too young, my life was static. Now things are completely different.
Anyways, I woke up at eleven (a wow! in its self). I sat around and watched Bones. Then made homemade cinnamon rolls. And for dinner chicken strips. It was a really nice day, I'm happy.

Social Life!

I might have one soon! I made a friend at work and we're going to the circus tomorrow. And also a lesbian I knew in vegas invited me to a Halloween party!!!! Whooo!!! I don't know what I'm going to be but I do know I'll be there for sure. It'll be a drastic change to finally have some people to hang out with. I feel like I've been without friends for like 2 years.

Btw I wonder who's been viewing my blog. I'm sure Marilyn hasn't viewed it 50 times. I'm happy other people are reading what I have to write :)

Mo' Money, Mo' Problems

That's me...without the money! Well it's officially October and the mouse pad on my laptop won't move! I'm using my grandma's right now. But I'm annoyed.
And Josh won't talk to me today because I didn't text him back, oh well.

I don't have much to say.

Finally...Hunter is back!!!

*Warning long blabby post about nonsense that doesn't particularly matter to anyone but me*

For those of you who don't know, which is everyone (only Marilyn looks at my blog hahaha), I have a '98 Chevy which happens to be a dark, hunter green. Hence the name, Hunter. Well I've had him since my junior year of high school, 2010. He's now a young ol' chap at 14 years with almost 180,000 miles on him. Hunter has been out of commission for more than a year now. I never thought he'd pull through (get repair) but he did!!! A whole $1300 and I now have a car again!! After dropping another $130 tomorrow to register Hunter, everything will be perfect with my car situation at least.
Being back in Hunter brings back so many memories. If someone could analyze the year of my life that I first had my blazer, they'd label me a horrible person in the first 10 seconds. But i believe that year was the only year I ever really lived so far. I was so carefree. I lived without any regrets or concern of others. All I wanted was to have fun and enjoy my life. It was so amazing. I was limitless.
What reminded me and flooded my subconscious with 100s of memories was one tiny Smirnoff cap wedged in between the steering wheel console and gauges. ;D
It hasn't been all shits and giggles tho. All this pressure with fixing my car (i.e. money!!) along with just everyday life (i.e. shit for family and a pushy bf), I've been super stressed. Last Friday at received my first paycheck at my new job. Now, I didn't expect a lot. But after receiving the check and adding up the bills I have to pay along side of my total amount of money, I was devastated. I was clearly in the negative about $200!! When I drove to DMV after work to get a 10 day driving permit for my blazer, I started breathing heavily and was shaking like mad. I had to pull over and it took me nearly 5 minutes to slow my breathing although I was still moderately shaking. I described the event to my brother and he said it sounded like the panic attack he had once. I don't really know what it was, but it was probably stress induced and I know it was scary!!! Anyways my finances ended up working out somehow, someway. I just don't know if I can keep my money out of the negative...

This movie sounds so strange but yet I want to watch it. It's called "Paprika" and it's a Japanese animated film from 2006. The trailer is crazy but you have to read the description to even know what it's about:

"When a machine that allows therapists to enter their patient's dreams is stolen, all hell breaks loose. Only a young female therapist can stop it: Paprika."

Trust is suppose to be number one.

And my boyfriend just doesn't trust me. I'm getting so fed up with it. Last night he got drunk and called me yelling at me that I'm obviously interested in someone else blah blah blah. I was so annoyed! And it was like 4 in the morning or something! Honestly, if I wasn't interested in dating you anymore, you'd be the first person to know. But obviously he doesn't understand that and I don't know how I'm going to keep being with someone who has no faith in me.

Sometimes bad is good

If you would've asked me two months ago, or even 8 months ago, if I'd ever want to go back to the lifestyle I led in high school, your answer would've been a straight up no way. Lately though, I've wanted to go back. I was responsible yet careless at the same time. And isn't being young all about being reckless?
When I'm 50, I don't want to look back on these years, thinking I wish I would've actually lived like I was young. Why didn't I do this? Why didn't I try this? How many things did I miss out on? What would've happened if I would have happened had I done this?
I'm sick of leading a life full of what if's but how do I change? It's hard to stop caring and put caution to the wind. But oh does it sound like a great time.

Sick sick sickkk

Yesterday I was at work and my nose WOULD NOT STOP running!!! It was horrible! I had to go to the bathroom like every ten minutes to get a tissue. Then, the girl next to me offered me some of her drink and said it tasted really good. So I took a big swig and it was good. I thought my luck was turning around! I asked her "That was really good! What flavor is that?" and it turned out it was watermelon! Natural watermelon! I'm ALLERGIC to watermelon. I had a small allergic reaction for the next four hours -__- I think that the allergic reaction made my cold worse. My head was stuffed, nose stuffed, throat sore, and mouth itchy! I felt like complete and utter shit. Finally, around 9pm my grandpa gave me his hot toddy concoction (whiskey, lemon juice, and honey all warmed up) and I passed out. I feel a little better today.

Thanks Gramps!! :)

First post!

Wow, so blogspot seems like it may turn out to be more personal than tumblr. I feel like it will feel really good to just let things out, and write them down. When I don't have anyone to talk to, writing it down helps relieve some stress, pressure and loneliness. It might even feel better that someone out there is reading what I am writing and can maybe relate. 
I just moved to Reno about two months ago. I don't know how I feel about it yet. All I know is I don't miss Las Vegas, I don't want to move back and I don't want to stay in Reno forever. I don't know where to find my place. I'm sure everyone feels like this at some point but it's literally just tearing me up inside. I need that place. Where I feel at home. Comfortable. Happy. Calm. The eye of the storm. How do people find the ultimate happiness? I don't believe it can be found in someone else but I can't see how anyone person can carry around the answer to their own happiness and never know it.

Well, time to head off to Zumba..